Gin no Shunkan
by Hakugei
Summary: AU. I knew I was going to die. I have known it for a long time. The only thing I wanted to do was to make an award winning painting. Who would have known that I would soon be afraid of dying? Silver Pair. Sequel to Tsuki to Hoshi.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1. Thanks to you all who loved _Tsuki to Houshi_, so here's the sequel! The pair in focus this time will be Silver Pair. Also, for those of you who like the Atobe x Jirou back-story, it's going to pop up more in this story since Atobe has an infatuation to Shishido.**

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine**

**WARNING; AU, possible OOC, shounen-ai**

**PAIRING: Shishido/Ootori**

**Chapter 1- Yume**

He was careful as he painted in the folds of the clothes because it would mess up the entire painting if he let the paint run over their boundaries. He learned that in sketching and painting, the artist must make the piece look like it would come to life. To do this, the artist had to get the lighting, shading, and features right. Not to mention capture the soul of the viewer by blowing them away with something spectacular.

Ootori Choutarou finished the last stroke in his painting and breathed a sigh of relief. It was finally done. His brown eyes wandered around his piece. He didn't know if he would blow anyone away with the coloring, but the painting itself seem to blow him away. Some of his professors say that if you feel something when you create the piece, the viewers will as well, and he was certainly feeling deep sorrow as he saw his piece. It was how he felt about his current condition, which wasn't the brightest.

Satisfied with the finished product, Ootori closed the door to the art room and left. The campus was empty since everyone was in classes save for a few people with a free period on their hands. The art major sat down on a bench and started sketching the school building. He still had to practice shading for drawing.

"So, have you gotten better on your backhand?"

"Not really, but my volleys have gotten better."

Ootori looked up to see two college students carrying tennis bags. They both seemed to be beginners because backhands are learned at a beginning level.

_"I'm sorry, but until your heart gets better, you can't play tennis."_

That was five years ago. He had anemia in junior high and he knew it, but he thought it wouldn't affect him much, until he overworked himself in a tennis match and fainted. He had been rushed to the hospital to get his condition stable, and the doctors discovered that he had a heart problem. The suggested treatment was a fitted pacemaker, but his family couldn't afford the operation, so in the end, he was left with a fact that he will die in several years and there was nothing he could do about it.

Ootori looked down at his sketching and realized that he had wandered from drawing the school building to a tennis racket. Grabbing his eraser, he erased what he had already done and forced his mind back onto drawing the school building. Brooding over the past wasn't going to help him fulfilling his last wish in creating an award-winning painting. Painting was a passion he had forever, and he wanted to make something special for the world to see before he left it.

-X-

"Hiyoshi-san, hold still."

"Ow! I am."

"There," Ootori said as he finished bandaging the last of the wounds. Taking a look at the nasty bruise on his roommate's cheek, he said, "You shouldn't fight too much, Hiyoshi-san. You could get in trouble."

"Che," was all Hiyoshi said before testing his injured arm.

Ootori sighed. His roommate, Hiyoshi Wakashi, was always getting into fights over trivial matters. It seemed that the forensics major lived for fighting, if not, getting into situations that forced him to fight. It was no wonder that he wanted to be a police officer.

"Hey, I heard about the incident on Thursday," Hiyoshi said quietly. "Did you see a doctor?"

Ootori's brown eyes looked to the floor. "Yeah."

"And?"

The silver-haired student put a hand to his chest. "It seems to be getting worse. My heartbeats are becoming irregular sometimes, and once I start exercising, it's hard for it to settle down. I don't know how much longer I'm going to live before it stops beating."

"And you say I fight too much," Hiyoshi muttered. "Ootori, don't push yourself before it does get worse."

"I don't care much, Hiyoshi-san. I know I'm going to die young anyway," Ootori said simply before going into his room to do some sketching. Hiyoshi quirked an eyebrow.

_And people say I'm pessimistic…_

On Thursday, Ootori had decided to take an early morning jog and got so caught up that he didn't realize that he had ten minutes to run over to class, which took at least twenty minutes to walk to. Panicking, he ran to class only to pass out from his heart beating too fast on the way. He had been rushed to the hospital to get his heartbeats back to normal.

_At this rate, he might not live for another three months._

-X-

Ootori calmly continued sketching the little bird perched outside of his window. He normally enjoyed talking to Hiyoshi, but today, he wasn't in the mood. It made him angry knowing that his roommate was right; he was going to get worse if he keeps pushing himself too much. His heart was fragile, so fragile that if he overworked himself even once, it could kill him.

Still, it never kept him from trying. Everyone was going to die at some point, and he wanted to have no regrets when his time came. After all, a ghost is freer when he's free of burdens.

-X-

Chewing on an apple, Ootori calmly walked around town carrying his sketchbook and some pencils. He had remembered to set his alarm clock early so he would finish his morning jog a half hour before class started. It wouldn't do him any good if he had to run to class only to collapse from a weak heart. He didn't have any classes this afternoon, so he was going to try sketching something other than the school building.

Ootori tossed his finished apple into a nearby trashcan and turned a corner, only to find something that he had long left behind. He knew that if he walked up the stairs that were in front of him, it would lead him straight to a street tennis court. The silver-haired student didn't want to go up there; it would bring back memories of how he had to give up his tennis dreams. Still, he felt that he should go there. It sounded like a calling.

Walking up the stairs, Ootori was greeted by the sight of a bunch of tennis players either playing on the courts or watching the matches being played. He found an empty bench and sat down hoping to find something to sketch. Deciding to focus on one player, he watched the brunette as he rallied against his opponent. Sketching quickly, Ootori kept one eye on the brunette while drawing. He had a quick eye, so he could capture a moment in his head even if it went so fast.

"Watch out!"

His brown eye quickly caught the movement of a flying tennis ball coming his way and caught the ball with one hand. The brunette that he was drawing came over to where he was sitting.

"Are you okay?" he asked. Ootori nodded and tossed back the ball. "Watch your head next time," was all he said before going back to his tennis game. Ootori nodded his head before going back to his drawing. He had a silver moment of the match planted in his head.

**TBC…**

**How was it? Should I continue? Review kudasai! Oh, by the way, for an upcoming convention, I'm going to cosplay as Fuji Dream Live 3rd version and I was wondering what you guys thought of this idea: I was thinking of sewing silver sequins onto the ends of the sleeves, the collar, and the ends of the long-sleeved white shirt that Fuji wears to make it more Kira Kira like. Please tell me in your reviews!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2. Whoa, I wasn't expecting six reviews in one chapter! I'm so glad you guys like this. Enjoy.

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine**

**WARNING: AU, possible OOC, shounen-ai**

**PAIRING: Silver Pair**

**Chapter 2- Hold**

He squinted his eyes as sunlight shown through the curtains. It was morning already. Shishido Ryou groaned as he got out of bed. What a mess the room was! The bed sheets were tangled, clothes were strewn about, and the brunette had a feeling that he was going to have to clean it all up. Grabbing the loose clothes, he threw them into the laundry basket before untangling the messy sheets.

This was how his life was: to please. Pleasing his mother by becoming a chemistry major, pleasing his professors by being the top student in his classes, pleasing _him_ with hot nights together, it was all the same. Sometimes Shishido wondered if he had any purpose in life other than to please others. It was tradition to not be selfish, but sometimes, the brunette couldn't help but hope for something for himself.

Shishido heard the door to the apartment open. He finished untangling the sheets as a handsome college student walked into the bedroom. Arrogant hazel eyes eyed the bedroom before traveling towards Shishido. The brunette kept himself still as the student's eyes trailed down his body.

"I'm back Shishido," he said with a smirk.

"Where were you, Atobe?" Shishido asked, though deep down, he could care less where Atobe's whereabouts been. He had a hunch where the business major was, anyway.

"Why? You miss me last night Shishido?" he asked with a smirk.

The brunette could feel his body heat rising. "In your wet dreams," he growled as he threw on a shirt and jeans. "Come on, we have to go to class."

"Don't worry," Atobe said, "We've got plenty of time."

"So where were you?" Shishido asked again this time calmer. "Were you with Jirou again?"

"Aa."

Shishido sighed. He had heard about Jirou and Atobe as they were before, a normal college couple that had been dating for several months already. He also knew that Atobe had a reputation of dumping his dates within a week, but somehow, he stayed longer with Jirou. Even after Atobe went for Shishido, Jirou still didn't seem to have the faintest clue. Shishido didn't know how Jirou could put up with it if he did. If it were he, he would have thrown a ten-pound weight along with any other cutlery at Atobe before slamming the door in the arrogant student's face.

"You realize that the guy probably knows and doesn't want you over now?" he asked. "You're cheating on him, so you should break up with him."

"Jirou is special," was all Atobe said before going to the bathroom.

"Yeah, and I wish that he was forever," Shishido mumbled under his breath.

Shishido hated Atobe. The snobby rich kid always got what he wanted and he knew it. He had wanted Jirou, but got tired of him and went for Shishido. It was like everyone he dated was only mere play toys or temporary pets, and Shishido Ryou never let anyone treat him like a pet. He didn't know why he even stuck around Atobe when he hated him more than hell, but Jirou… Jirou actually loved that conceited peacock.

Shishido had tried to figure out many times as to how Jirou could love Atobe. He knew that Jirou was a medical major that was either extremely sleepy or extremely cheerful and was hard not to like. Jirou was quite popular with both girls and boys, but he was head over heels for Atobe since forever. When Atobe asked him out, he was ecstatic. He had several theories such as Jirou's cheerfulness might have made Atobe unconsciously let his guard down and reveal a new side to him, the side that he never showed. However, all of them were highly unlikely since Atobe never cared about anyone other than himself.

Deciding to leave without Atobe, Shishido grabbed his books and left the apartment the two of them shared. The apartment was small, only big enough for two people to live in, but it was comfortable. Jirou used to live here, until Atobe broke up with him. After that, he moved back into the dorms. After Atobe and Shishido started dating, Shishido moved in, and when Atobe was through with him, the next person will move in. It was a cycle that never ended, though everyone thought that Jirou would be the one to end it.

Shishido walked onto campus and checked his watch. He still had an entire period before class started. The first class had already started, so the campus was empty save a few people who also had a free period. Plopping down on a bench, he began to study his textbook memorizing formulas and chemical reactions. There was a test coming up next week and he had to be ready.

"So, have you gotten better on your backhand?"

"Not really, but my volleys have gotten better."

The brunette looked up to see two tennis players walk by. Both of them seemed to be beginners based on how they asked each other on basics. Shishido's sharp eyes watched them go. Tennis was once like a passion, but when he started living with Atobe, it became more like an escape. Once classes were done, Shishido would head for the nearby tennis courts and play against anyone available. It was an excuse for getting away from Atobe. Besides, he played tennis back in junior high.

As Shishido turned back to his textbook, he caught a glimpse of another college student watching the tennis players go. The student looked younger than he was, and judging by the sketchbook, an art major. Short, silver hair accompanied a pale face with chocolate brown eyes and a slender build. He was staring at where the tennis players were with a look that seemed as though someone had died on him a long time ago.

_What's eating him? _

-X-

Classes went by fast for Shishido. Before he knew it, it was lunchtime. He ordered cafeteria food again and sat down at an empty table. Feeling hungry, he began devouring his food while studying his textbook. Atobe had a date with Jirou, so Shishido was alone for now. These times were special to him, especially since he often spent the night with the business major.

"Oi, Shishido… can I sit here?" The brunette looked up to see a short redhead holding a lunch bag.

"No, go sit somewhere else, Mukahi," Shishido retorted. Mukahi simply shrugged and sat down across from him making Shishido feel even worse.

"What's gotten you in a bad mood?" Mukahi asked.

"Do I need to tell you?" Shishido fired back.

"Let me guess, Atobe," Mukahi said coldly.

"Bingo," Shishido replied with equal coldness.

Mukahi Gakuto was another medical major that used to live in the dorms with him. He whined and complained a lot, but got his work done. Shishido considered the redhead lucky; Mukahi was living in an apartment now, though he heard that he lived there with someone, but the rumor was highly unlikely to be true. He hated romance as much as Shishido did. Although, he seemed to be close with a fellow medical major, Oshitari Yuushi.

Oshitari Yuushi, he heard, was deaf and mute. He was considered a tensai around campus because of the way that he always seemed to ace tests, despite his handicap. There were many rumors about him and Mukahi, but Shishido brushed them off as untrue. The only thing that actually seemed to be true was that Oshitari seemed to be deaf. He never talked, and when he wanted to, he either used charades or write down what he wants to say.

Shishido watched as a tall, handsome guy with dark-blue hair sat down next to Mukahi. Shishido instantly recognized him as Oshitari Yuushi. "What took you so long, Yuushi?" Oshitari used a weird pattern with his fingers. "You had a seminar?"

Shishido quirked an eyebrow. _Weird combination…_

-X-

After school, Shishido decided to head to the street tennis courts nearby. It was a place that he frequented often because there were always some good players. The courts themselves were good quality and always kept clean. In addition to several courts, there was also a wall where players could practice on if they didn't want to challenge anyone. Shishido liked to use that wall more often, but today, he was hunting for some action.

He crossed the street and turned at the corner until he saw a set of stairs that he knew lead straight to the tennis courts. Shishido started hiking up the stairs his tennis bag slung over one shoulder. As he got near the top, he surveyed the area. There were quite a few players there today along with some spectators. Good, there was bound to be someone that was worth playing. He challenged a random guy and the two began to rally on the court.

_"Good shots,"_ Shishido thought as he continued to rally, _"but with my speed, I can get to any ball!"_

Shishido dashed to the net and smashed the incoming lob. His opponent charged for it and hit it with a backhand, but the ball sailed out of bounds and towards a boy sitting on the bleachers deep in his thoughts.

"Watch out!" Shishido called.

The boy instantly looked up and caught the ball in his free hand. Shishido was impressed with how fast the boy's reactions were in catching the ball and how calm he looked when he caught the ball. Still, he should check to make sure that he was all right.

Shishido walked up to the boy and asked, "Are you okay?" The boy nodded and tossed the ball back. "Watch your head next time," was all Shishido said before going back to his game. However, he made a mental note to make sure that he didn't hit any shots that could sail to the bleachers. It wouldn't do any good if someone got injured because of a stray tennis ball.

**TBC…**

**How was it? Review kudasai!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3. Hey, it's me. I hope you guys like what you see so far. Boy, I'm so happy this is a popular fic. Oh, by the way, I got a review asking what "Gin no Shunkan" means. It means "A moment of silver". Enjoy.**

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine**

**WARNING: AU, possible OOC, shounen-ai**

**PAIRING: Silver Pair**

**Chapter 3- Infatuation**

Ootori continued watching in fascination as the brunette rallied against his opponent. He had long since finished his sketch of the tennis match, but somehow, the brunette intrigued Ootori enough for him to stay and watch the match. The way he moved when he hit a forehand seemed like something Ootori could also have drawn. It was a kind of grace that he wished he possessed.

Judging by the boy's looks, Ootori guessed that the brunette was around his age, maybe a little older than he was. The brunette had long, brown hair pulled in a ponytail and a slender build. He seems to be the type to be loved by guys and girls, a trait that would either please him or annoy him. Ootori guessed it was the latter.

Flipping to another page, Ootori pointed his pencil at the paper ready to draw another picture. He watched the match for the perfect moment to draw. His eyes followed the brunette as he dashed to the corner of the court and hit the match point. Ootori's quick mind recorded every detail in the moment and he started drawing a stick figure as a basis of the sketch. Keeping one eye on the brunette, he worked his way out from there adding in details.

He was so caught up in his drawing that he didn't notice that his model was standing in front of him until he looked up again. Ootori quickly said, "Sorry."

"It's okay," the other replied in a gruff tone. "At least you were drawing me in tennis not me in nude."

The silver-haired student could feel his face heat up from embarrassment. "Do you mind?" he asked timidly.

"Of course not," the brunette replied taking a seat next to Ootori. He peered over Ootori's shoulder and looked at the unfinished sketch. "You can remember things that happen that fast?" he asked in disbelief.

"Well I guess," Ootori said sheepishly not used to getting compliments like this.

"That's cool. Are you an art major?"

"Yes, my name is Ootori Choutarou," Ootori said holding out his hand.

"Shishido Ryou," the brunette replied shaking his hand. "Chemistry major."

"Nice to meet you, Shishido-san," Ootori said politely.

"Likewise," the brunette replied nodding his head.

There was a long silence between the two as Ootori continued to finish up his second sketch while Shishido was watching. The silver-haired student kept the moment firmly in his mind as he continued drawing. He got the details down on the stick figure he started out with, and within a few minutes, the sketch was finished. It looked better compared to the first sketch.

"You draw quite well," Shishido said in awe. "And at least you draw decent stuff," he added under his breath with a frown, but Ootori caught it.

"Eh? Are you asked by a lot of art majors to do paintings?" he asked too impulsively. He received a glare from Shishido that looked as though he was going to kill him for asking that. "Aa, sorry, I said too much."

Shishido's expression softened slightly. "Whatever, you're right," he said with a shrug. _Eh?_ "I have been asked by several of your classmates, but I turned them all down."

"Why?"

"Because they wanted me to do nude paintings," Shishido replied flatly.

"Oh," Ootori replied his face heating up. _Shishido-san **must** be popular if several of my classmates asked him to do nude paintings._ "You must be popular."

Shishido shrugged. "Not really. Atobe's more popular."

"Atobe?" Ootori asked now confused.

"What? You mean you don't know who Atobe Keigo is!?" Shishido said in disbelief.

"No, should I?"

"Atobe Keigo is a business major that has a large percentage of the female and male population screaming," Shishido explained. "I have a hunch that at least half your class asked him to do paintings as well. Unlike me, though, he'll do it if the artist is good. Still, he has high standards, so he gives out plenty of rejections as well. In my opinion, though, he's an arrogant peacock that always gets what he wants."

"I see…"

"Anyway, how come you're at the tennis courts if you're not going to play?" Shishido asked.

"Aa, I just came here to find something to sketch," Ootori replied. "I've been working on a painting for a month now, and I have to get back into sketching."

"Can I see your sketches?"

"Eh? Aa… okay."

Ootori handed Shishido his sketchbook and watched as the beautiful brunette began leafing through looking at every sketch he ever did. He fiddled with his cross necklace nervously. Every time, someone else looked at his sketches, he got nervous in thinking that he was going to get a criticism. He was a perfectionist when it came to art.

"You know, I'm quite a critic when it comes to art," Shishido said simply, "but in my opinion, these are actually not bad at all."

Ootori could feel his face heat up again. "R-really, Shishido-san?"

"Yeah, they're not bad," Shishido replied with a grin. "The ones you did of me are nice."

"Aa, thank you."

"Do you like to draw tennis?"

"Not necessarily. I draw what I think fits my emotions."

Shishido flipped back to another page and his sharp eyes widened. Ootori glanced at the brunette. "I-Is something wrong?" he asked.

Shishido instantly snapped out of it. "No, but I find this sketch particularly interesting."

Ootori leaned over to look. He smiled. He found that particular sketch quite romantic. Although it was two males, they both seemed to be happy to be together. The shorter one was bouncing along holding the hand of the taller one. He didn't seem to have care in the world as he skipped along. The taller one, on the other hand, seemed to have an aura of arrogance, but it seemed suppressed when he was around the other boy. His eyes held a feeling of authority, but at the same time, it also showed kindness. It was a sweet sketch that he did a few months ago.

"I saw those two on campus," Ootori explained. "They looked so sweet together, so I decided to sketch them."

"Actually, I know those two," Shishido said quietly.

"Really? Who are they?" Ootori asked. He had always wondered who those two were after he finished the sketch.

"Atobe Keigo and Akutagawa Jirou."

"Eh? You mean the popular guy you were talking about earlier is dating!?"

"Yeah, those two have been dating for several months, but lately, they seem to be on the verge of breaking up. It's a pity, really, because Jirou dated Atobe longer than most people. I always thought that they were going to last."

"Really? That's too bad. In my sketch, they look like they're happy to be together," Ootori said staring at the sketch. _I suppose, like me, their happiness only lasted for a time._

"Say, tomorrow, do you want to sit next to me at lunch?" Shishido asked.

"Eh?" Ootori asked confused. "Why?"

"Well, I don't know," Shishido said nervously. "I normally don't sit next to anyone, so I was wondering if you would."

Ootori looked at Shishido with wide eyes. He didn't sit next to anyone either. After he found out that he was going to die, he began to isolate himself in fear of hurting more people if they got too close to him. In turn, people began to isolate him. It was painful, but Ootori didn't want to hurt more people than he should. And yet, Shishido was asking him to be close to him.

"Okay, I'll sit next to you at lunch," Ootori said with a smile. _It couldn't hurt too much, right?_

Shishido gave him a small smile that seemed to thank him. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow," he said getting up to leave.

"Ja," Ootori replied waving good-bye. As he watched the brunette leave, Ootori smiled. _Maybe, for once, I can do something for myself._

**TBC…**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4. Enjoy**

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine**

**WARNING: AU, possible OOC, shounen-ai**

**PAIRING: Silver Pair**

**Chapter 4- Condition**

Shishido played with the food on his tray impatiently as he waited for Ootori to get to his table. He couldn't believe that he had asked an _underclassman_ to sit with him. He didn't know why the words came out of his mouth, but it did. Maybe it was because of the boy's personality. Shishido seemed to be a sucker for people who offer even some sympathy.

When he saw the boy, Ootori, drawing at the tennis courts, he wondered why he picked the courts of all places. He knew that there were far better places to draw something artistic. He was even more shocked when he saw that Ootori had been drawing **him**. Of course, the boy had hastily apologized, but in Shishido's mind, there was no need. It was tennis, not nudity.

Before he knew it, the two of them were talking to each other like they were old friends. They discussed many things such as Ootori's artwork and tennis in general. What caught Shishido the most was the sketch of Atobe and Jirou. When he saw the sketch, he thought that Ootori truly had captured the moment. It was a moment that both of them wished that it could last.

Suddenly, without thinking about it, he had asked if Ootori wanted to sit with him at lunch. Thinking back to it, he thought that what he did was stupid, but he had seen Ootori around campus. The art major never sat next to anyone, not even his roommate. He had assumed that the silver-haired boy was a loner, but after meeting him yesterday, he realized that Ootori was quite social. Why he didn't have any friends, he didn't know, but somehow, he felt that he wanted to help the younger boy.

"Shishido-san." The brunette looked up to see Ootori with a bento box. "Hi."

"Aa, Ootori, you came," Shishido said as the silver-haired boy sat across from him. "What do you have for lunch?"

"Just leftover dinner from yesterday," Ootori replied showing him his bento box filled with rice, vegetables, and hard-boiled eggs.

Shishido could feel a wave of envy burning in him. He always got the school lunches and they never tasted fantastic. It couldn't be helped; the brunette couldn't cook.

Ootori made a face. "Are the school lunches here that bad?" he asked.

"Yeah," Shishido replied imitating the same face.

Ootori looked at his own lunch. Suddenly, he grabbed a hard-boiled egg and plopped it on Shishido's tray. "Here, you can have it," he said with a smile on his face.

Shishido looked at the delicious egg on his tray and then at Ootori. "I… I can have this?" he asked in awe.

"Sure, you said you hated the school's lunch, so I thought maybe you wanted an egg."

Shishido looked at the delicious morsel of food that Ootori was offering him. He couldn't remember when someone actually was nice enough to give him something. His parents were too lazy to cook and often ordered take-out even for special occasions. Atobe sometimes took him out to fancy, expensive restaurants when he wasn't busy with Jirou, but it wasn't the same. Ootori was giving him home-cooked food.

"You don't mind?" the brunette asked picking up the egg with his chopsticks.

"Not at all," was the reply he got.

The brunette stared at the egg stuck between his chopsticks. It looked so good. Without a word, he popped the morsel of food into his mouth and started chewing it. His brown eyes widened. It tasted even better than cordon bleu cooking!

"This is good," he whispered in awe.

Ootori blushed and looked down at his bento box. "Y-You really think so, Shishido-san?"

"Yeah, I've never had home-cooked food before."

Ootori's chocolate brown eyes widened in surprise. "Never?" he asked in disbelief.

"Never. My parents were too lazy to cook something, so they normally ordered take-out. I know it's not that healthy, but that was the truth."

"Aa."

The two of them continued talking for what seemed like hours when it was only a half an hour. They talked about tennis, things they liked, how their classes and professors were, until they ran out of things to talk about and settled in finishing their lunches in silent.

Shishido glanced over at Ootori. The younger student was interesting. He seemed to be like a kid, but not a kid at all. He was caring, but firm; submissive, but has a mind of his own; and had a good foundation for his future. He was a perfect example of someone whose yin and yang were balanced. In short, Ootori was everything Shishido wanted to be.

"Aa!"

Shishido jerked back to reality. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"My next class starts soon!" Ootori cried. "Sorry, Shishido-san, but I have to go." With that, the art major grabbed his bag and left the cafeteria in a rush.

Shishido blinked as Ootori rushed out of the cafeteria. Checking the clock, he noticed that there was still twenty minutes left of lunch. That's strange. How come he had to leave early? The brunette shrugged it off. Ootori probably had to finish some last-minute changes to an art piece or something. It was only then did he realize that in his rush, Ootori had left his sketchbook behind.

_Oh well. I'd better give it to him_.

-X-

The brunette turned his head from left to right as he searched for a silver-haired art major who had forgotten his sketchbook. Although the campus wasn't big, he didn't know where the art room was. There was no one around to ask for direction, so Shishido found himself wandering around looking for Ootori or anyone that could point out where the art room was.

He finally saw someone he could ask. "Excuse me, where's the art room?" he asked.

"Aa, over there."

"Thank you," said Shishido. He took off in the direction dodging pass students that were leaving the cafeteria and going to their next class. Thankfully, Shishido had a free period next, so there was no need to rush.

He finally found the art room and rushed inside. What he saw astounded him. There were paintings everywhere. Shishido never told anyone this, but he enjoyed seeing classic artwork. In fact, he went to the exhibitions that were in Tokyo ever since he was in junior high. Many of his peers would consider his hobby girly, so he never told anyone.

Shishido wandered around looking at the many paintings done by college students. He saw many abstract paintings and contemporary paintings. Many of the paintings were of beautiful girls with bright, traditional Japanese scenery. Others were of only scenery whether it was traditional or modern. His sharp eyes, however, caught one painting in particular.

There was no beautiful person or beautiful scenery. Instead, there were only two things: a ball and a piece of paper with beautiful calligraphy written on it. The ball was transparent and had sakura petals and chrysanthemum blossoms painted on it. Underneath the ball was the paper with calligraphy written on it with a beautiful hand. Although Shishido wasn't good at reading calligraphy, he understood the words that were written with a fine hand.

_Live every moment in life._

What troubled Shishido the most, however, was the other feature the painting had. Along with the ball and the paper, there was red all over representing blood. The blood splashed on the ball and the paper showed that someone must have coughed up blood. The brunette knew some basic symbolism, and he knew that blood meant death. Why does such a happy environment have blood?

"Shishido-san?" a voice piped up.

The said brunette turned around to see Ootori. "Aa, Ootori. You left your sketchbook in the cafeteria, so I'm here to return it."

"Aa, thank you, Shishido-san," said Ootori accepting the book. "Wait, aren't you suppose to be in class?"

Shishido shrugged. "I have a free period."

"Aa, I see."

Ootori's eyes wandered over to the painting. Shishido didn't know why, but the silver-haired boy looked so sad when he was staring at the painting. Was he feeling the same angst feeling he got when he saw the painting? Shishido watched as Ootori reached out and traced the calligraphy characters with his finger. The younger boy seemed to be in his own world.

"Shishido-san."

"Eh?" Shishido snapped his attention back to Ootori.

"What," Ootori began, but stopped. He took a deep breath before continuing. "What kind of feelings do you get from seeing this painting?"

Shishido paused for a moment as if he was thinking. "Angst," he replied slowly.

"I see…"

"Why? Did you do this painting?"

"Yes."

Shishido took one more look at the painting. If Ootori did this painting, why did it have so much angst? The Ootori he knew was outgoing, but shy, and happy to be around anyone. Why was the painting the opposite of that?

"Why so much angst?" he asked slowly.

Ootori's brown eyes stared at the ground. Shishido watched, as the younger boy seemed to gather his thoughts. Whatever it was that Ootori was trying to tell him must be painful.

Finally, he spoke. "I suppose that this is how others will feel once I die."

Shishido was shocked. Why was Ootori talking about dying so casually? "What are you talking about, Ootori? You're only a first year in college. You're not going to die any time sooner."

The silver-haired boy turned around so his back was faced to Shishido. His head was bowed as if what he said was the truth. "Shishido-san, if I tell you about me, you will want me to get away from you. Are you sure you want to know about me?"

"Yes, I'm sure," the brunette replied full of confidence. How bad could it be?

Ootori took a deep breath and began. "When I was young, I had anemia. It's a blood condition where not enough red cells are produced. Sometimes, if I worked too hard, I would collapse and rushed to the hospital. It happened many times when I was in elementary school and I soon gave up in exercising.

"Then a classmate got me into tennis. As I played the sport, I found that I really liked it. To keep my anemia from acting up again, I focused on playing doubles. It seemed to work because I only collapsed from fatigue occasionally. For a long time, it never bothered me. I continued playing tennis, studying hard in school, and living life like a normal person. But then…" There was a pause.

"Then what?" Shishido asked.

Ootori took a deep breath and collected his thoughts. Shishido braced himself for the worst. "I was playing a tennis match and pushed myself too far. I collapsed after the match ended. After I went to the hospital, the doctors found out that I had a heart problem. The only treatment for my case was a pacemaker, but my family couldn't afford the operation."

The brunette took a deep breath. "And so, you're left with that fact that you'll die young," he finished. "And to prevent others from being hurt, you isolate yourself." He received a nod. Without thinking, Shishido grabbed the younger boy by the shoulders and turned him around so that they were facing each other.

Ootori blinked. "Shishido-san?"

"Ootori, you said in your painting to 'Live every moment in life', right? I think that's a good philosophy, but isn't it better if you share those moments with someone? I mean… shoots, life is never fun if you're alone. Do you feel like you're living your life as you are now, Choutarou?" Shishido asked using the younger boy's first name for the first time.

Ootori blinked in surprise, but then his brown eyes softened. "Yes," he said gently, but the brunette could tell the younger boy was lying.

Shishido shook his head. "No, you're not. If you were really happy, this painting wouldn't be so depressing. Didn't you say that you drew what you felt fit your emotions?"

Ootori stared at the brunette his brown eyes with the saddest look Shishido ever saw. Shishido saw tears begin to form and he was expecting the younger student to start crying, but Ootori quickly wiped them away with his hand. _He must have quit crying a long time ago_.

"Don't get me wrong, Shishido-san," he said slowly. "I… I really do want to be your friend, but I'm afraid of how you'll feel when… when the time comes." His voice faulted on the last words. "I don't want more to suffer for me."

Shishido allowed a grin on his face. "Will you be friends with a guy who **wants** to suffer for you?" he asked.

Ootori stared right into the older student's sharp eyes with disbelief, fear, and… a ray of hope. Suddenly, he pulled Shishido into an embrace. The brunette could feel tears soaking his shirt and hear soft sobs. "Thank you, Shishido-san," Ootori whispered between sobs. Shishido smiled and hugged the younger boy stroking his back.

_Maybe, for once, I can do something for myself…_

**TBC…**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5. Wow, I've been getting a lot of reviews lately. Reviews make me happy (smile). Oh, by the way, for those of you who read my drabble, _Endless Eternity_, my friend's better now. Yes! Enjoy.**

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine**

**WARNING: AU, possible OOC, shounen-ai**

**PAIRING: Silver Pair**

**Chapter 5- Poet of the Wind**

Ootori waited patiently at his usual table at lunch. So much has happened after the incident in the art room last month. He couldn't believe that even after he told Shishido about his condition, the older student still wanted to be his friend. Making new friends was something that Ootori lost a long time ago. It was more than what he could ask for.

When the two of them were having lunch together that day, Ootori felt so relaxed around Shishido. They were talking about how college was for them, what kind of professors they had, and tennis. Ootori used to talk about those things with his old friends in junior high, but after he began isolating himself, he forgot all about those times. They were having so much fun talking that he lost track of the time and had to hurry to class.

During class, he tried to focus, but his mind kept wandering back to the lunch he spent with Shishido. After getting scolded by the professor, however, he pushed lunchtime in the back of his mind. He had to concentrate or his hotheaded professor might explode. With his mind focused now, he began to sketch a picture of the apple before him.

He had finished his sketch before everyone else, so he excused himself to the painting room. He wanted to do some last-minute touches before it went to the exhibit tomorrow. What Ootori wasn't anticipating was Shishido showing up and staring at his painting. He let the older student stare a while longer before catching his attention. He smiled to himself telling himself quietly that he shouldn't tell anyone that Shishido liked art.

Then Shishido asked, "Why so much angst?"

That question struck a raw nerve. Ootori had painted that painting based on how he thought everyone would feel when he dies. If he became close to Shishido, that was how Shishido would feel as well. He prepared to tell his story, but then, he hesitated for a second as a feeling he had left buried began to resurface: fear. He had chastised himself for thinking that way. He wanted to leave the world without regrets, but he couldn't help how he felt. Did he learn to fear again because he was already close to Shishido and didn't want that to end too soon? Then, slowly, he began to talk about his condition; his anemia, his last tennis match, everything.

He had braced himself for rejection, but instead, Shishido grabbed his shoulders and turned him around. He asked something that he never asked himself before, "Are you happy now?" No, he wasn't happy. Even though no one else was suffering because of him, he was. He craved for companionship that he forced himself to give up after his last tennis match, but he didn't want anyone else to suffer. He told himself that letting him take all the pain alone would make everyone else safe. He kept telling that to himself until he mixed that with reality.

"Will you be friends with a guy who **wants** to suffer for you?" Shishido asked with a friendly grin on his face. With those words, Ootori broke down and embraced the brunette tightly. He had never felt so happy in his life when he heard those words.

"Hey Choutarou," Shishido said taking a seat across from Ootori.

"Oh, hi, Shishido-san," the silver-haired boy replied with a smile.

"Itadakimasu!" both said at the same time before eating their lunches.

Ootori noticed that Shishido had a bento for lunch instead of the school lunch. "Shishido-san, is that-"

The brunette looked at his lunch and then looked at Ootori. "Oh, yeah, I looked at a cookbook and figured out how to make this. I thought it might be good to try something homemade for once."

Ootori smiled. Things were going so well even though Shishido knows. This time, he was going to be friends with Shishido until… whenever time ends.

"I'll take that seat then," a redhead piped taking a seat next to Ootori.

"Get lost, Mukahi," Shishido growled.

Mukahi turned his head around and looked at Ootori with a confused look. Then he turned back to Shishido asking, "Who's the kid?"

"Ootori Choutarou," was the short reply.

"Nice to meet you," said Ootori holding out his hand.

"Likewise."

Shishido turned his head from left to right before asking, "Where's Oshitari? Don't you two sit next to each other?"

"Oshitari?" Ootori asked cocking his head to the side like a curious puppy.

"My friend," explained the redhead. "He's a medical major. You might have heard of him. He's deaf and mute."

The "deaf and mute" struck a memory. "Oh, I've seen him before. He's the tall second year with blue hair and glasses right?"

The silver-haired boy turned to a page in his sketchbook and held it up for Mukahi to see. It was a perfect sketch of the silent tensai. In the sketch, Oshitari was performing the sign for "home". In front of him at an angle were two smaller boys watching patiently. One of the smaller boys had straight hair that came to his ears and the other boy had short, curly hair.

Mukahi's eyes widened. "I remember this!" he cried. "It was a week after Yuushi came back from Osaka after his mom died!" The redhead's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "How could you draw that?"

"I can remember moments that I see," replied Ootori. "I saw you three on campus from where I was sitting. You seemed close."

"Not really. Yuushi and I became close later that day, though."

"Which brings me back to my first question: Where is he?" Shishido interrupted.

The redhead's snarky aura died slightly. Shishido must have struck a raw nerve. "He's in Nagasaki getting his hearing back," was all he said staring at his bento box.

Ootori quickly changed the subject before lunch turned into a soap opera. "Anou, Mukahi-san, are you a medical major, too?" he asked.

"Yeah."

-X-

When Ootori finished his last class, Shishido was already there by the bench. As if the brunette read his mind, he said, "My last class ended an hour ago."

The silver-haired boy laughed care-freely. "So, what are we going to do?" he asked with a smile.

"Well, I was thinking we could go back to my place for a bit," said Shishido. "I've got something to show you."

"Do you live in the dorms?" asked Ootori. Why wouldn't Shishido-san?

"Actually, I share an apartment with someone else," Shishido said with a frown. "My roommate shouldn't be home, so it's okay. Come on, let's go."

Shishido led the way off the college campus and across the street to an apartment complex not too far away. Ootori had seen it many times before on his way to his favorite sushi shop. Shishido led him up two flights of stairs and down two doors before the two of them stopped at one door.

Ootori entered the apartment and dropped his bag on a nearby table. The apartment itself was well furnished with expensive furniture and a wide-screen TV. It was as though whoever rented the apartment had lots of money to spare. The silver-haired youth gazed at the many expensive pieces in the living room.

Upon seeing Ootori's bewilderment, Shishido said, "Those are my roommate's stuff. He likes things to be expensive."

Ootori snapped out of his bewilderment and said, "Aa, I see."

The two of them went into a smaller room that contracted the living room and the rest of the apartment. Compared to the lavish furniture in the rest of the apartment, this room was common looking. There was only a desk, a bed, and a small dresser. This could only be Shishido's room.

"Where do you want to sit?" asked Shishido.

"I'll just sit on the bed."

As the silver-haired boy got settled in, Shishido went into the closet and pulled out what seemed to be a black, instrument case. Ootori instantly recognized the case as a guitar case.

Shishido sat down. "What do you want to hear?" he asked strumming the guitar once.

"Anything is fine," was the reply Ootori gave.

Shishido thought about what song he should play before beginning to strum a simple tune. With that, he began to sing a beautiful and familiar song.

_The poet of the sky said_

_"My clothes are a light blue canvas"_

_The poet of the stars said_

_"My hair is a gold crayon"_

Deciding that it wouldn't hurt, Ootori joined in.

_The wind does not answer_

_Though it's been here a long time_

_The wind does not answer_

_Though it's been beside me a long time_

This time, Shishido continued playing, but stopped to let Ootori sing.

_The poet of the wind sings_

_"Woo, woo There's no color"_

_The poet of the wind sighs_

_"Woo, woo There's no light"_

The two of them began to sing in unison with each other.

_My tears wither away_

_Talking is not possible_

_But the sea knows_

_Without the wind, the rain cannot fall_

_But people knows_

_Without you, the birds cannot fly_

Shishido strummed the last note staring at the strings on the guitar. "Sorry," he said sheepishly. "I forgot the rest of the words."

"Me too," Ootori added. "That's a beautiful song. I remember when my sister sung that for her musical audition. I never knew you knew how to play it."

"It helps me calm down when I feel angry. When I listen to the words, I feel calmer. It's kind of like my own meditation. I can see why Mamoru found the song as a way to make him feel like life is worth living after all. That's kind of like how you found that you should live your life fully, right?"

The question had struck a raw nerve. Both Ootori and Shishido stayed off the topic of his condition, but today, the subject was brought up again. The silver-haired youth unconsciously reached up to touch his heart. It was going to hurt when he died, but now that he knew Shishido, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much now that there was someone to suffer with him.

Shishido must have known because he hastily said, "Oh, sorry, I must have said something wrong."

Ootori shook his head. "No, Shishido-san! I… don't mind at all. It's just… I guess I'm still not used to this. I've given up on having friends a long time ago. It's hard for me to adjust to changes, especially fast changes."

Shishido smiled gently. "Don't worry, Choutarou. Remember, you're not alone."

Suddenly, the two boys heard a key being turned in a lock. Shishido's roommate must be back. The brunette suddenly froze up his face turning white with fear.

"Choutarou, get out of here," he whispered softly.

"What?" the boy asked confused.

"If he sees you, it'll be bad," Shishido whispered fiercely. "Go!"

"But-"

Before either could move, the door opened and both of them got a good look at a young man with an angry face. Ootori instantly recognized the face.

"Atobe Keigo…"

**TBC…**

**How was it? Review kudasai! Oh yeah, by the way, this song is _Kaze no Shijin_ from the Sailor Moon Musicals sung by Shirota Yuu as Mamoru.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6. Hey, it's me. Wow, I've gotten pretty far already. Oh yeah, for those of you dying for an AtoJi fic, I'll work on a one-shot once I finish this. Enjoy.

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine**

**WARNING: AU, possible OOC, shounen-ai**

**PAIRING: Silver Pair**

**Chapter 6- Impress**

"Shit, I'm in trouble," were the only words that were going through Shishido's head when Atobe opened the door. He knew that the business major would be back soon, but not this soon. And today had started off good with Choutarou.

A month had gone by since the incident in the art room. During that time, Shishido got to know more about Ootori and vice versa. They jogged every morning, ate together at lunch every day, and hung out after school before splitting up to finish their homework and studies. Ootori even taught Shishido how to make his own bento one weekend, something that he found convenient. Those days were fun and carefree making the stressful college days more enjoyable.

Throughout the month, both Shishido and Ootori avoided the subject of Ootori's heart problem. It was a touchy subject, especially for the younger boy. One day, Ootori went in for a monthly check-up and the results struck him hard. One artery was beginning to clog. Shishido knew that this was going to be hard, but he was strong; he could do this.

After classes were done, Shishido thought it would be good if Ootori got to know more about him. He knew that Atobe wouldn't be home right after school, anyway. The brunette led Ootori to the apartment and pulled out his guitar. It was an old guitar that he had for many years. Atobe had offered to buy him a new one, but Shishido could play fine with this guitar. He then began to play his favorite song, _Kaze no Shijin_. Surprisingly, Ootori knew the song, too, and began to sing along. Like him, it soothed the younger boy when he felt that his life was in turmoil.

All that was spoiled when Shishido heard Atobe coming home.

Atobe smirked at Shishido, although both could see anger clearly etched in his eyes. "Ryou, I didn't know you enjoyed hanging around with handicaps."

Shishido bristled at the rude comment. Ootori didn't like being called a handicap, especially since his heart problem was more of a condition. "Keigo, he's just a friend. Leave him alone," Shishido said as calm as he could to try save the situation.

"'Keigo'? Is Atobe-san your boyfriend, Shishido-san?" asked Ootori not paying attention to the situation.

Shit, he forgot about Choutarou. "Choutarou, get out of here. I can handle this," the brunette whispered.

"What? Why?" the younger boy asked confused.

"Just do it. If you stay here, we're both going to get in trouble. You don't know this guy. He could hurt you if you stay any longer."

"Come on, Ryou," the business major said with a smirk. "What's a handicap doing here? Don't tell me you're having sympathy for people like him too? I thought you didn't like anyone."

Ootori's chocolate brown eyes became distorted as the insults continued to rain upon him. Shishido was expecting to see the younger boy start to cry, but at that moment, Shishido saw something that he had never witnessed before in Ootori: annoyance. It was then that Shishido understood what was behind what many thought to be the essence of child-like innocence. Even Ootori, the good boy next door, had emotions, too.

The silver-haired boy stood up and said in a firm voice, "Shishido-san doesn't want you here now, Atobe-san. Please leave."

Atobe seemed mortified by the statement made by an **underclassman**. Shishido, on the other hand, was grateful for Ootori to back him up. No one had ever done that before.

"What did you say?" asked Atobe who was starting to lose his nerve.

"Shishido-san doesn't want you here now, Atobe-san. Please leave," Ootori repeated in the same firm voice he used. "You should respect his privacy."

If the situation wasn't so dangerous, Shishido would have laughed at the sight of Ootori telling his upperclassman to leave like a mother scolding her child. However, anyone knew that trying to order Atobe Keigo around would end in disaster.

With Atobe's nerve on the verge of exploding, Shishido did the only thing he could do: run. He grabbed Ootori by the arm, pushed past Atobe and made a mad dash down the stairs and away from the apartment complex. Shishido finally stopped at the park and let go of Ootori's arm. It was only then did he notice that the silver-haired boy had his hand over his heart and was as white as a sheet.

_Shit! I forgot about Choutarou's condition…_

Gripping the younger boy by the shoulders, the brunette maneuvered Ootori onto a bench. Ootori slumped against the side of the bench still panting. Shishido had seen episodes like this before. The only thing he could do was wait until Ootori's heart was under control. So that's what he did: wait.

After a few minutes, Ootori regained some color. "Sorry about that," Shishido said sheepishly.

"Don't be sorry, Shishido-san," Ootori whispered with a weak smile. "Your roommate isn't that nice."

"Yeah, he's a bit possessive, especially when it comes to me," the brunette mumbled, but Ootori caught it.

"What?" he asked weakly. "Why is Atobe-san like that? A boyfriend shouldn't be like this."

"That's just the way he is, Choutarou. The only person Atobe really loves is himself. That's never going to change, not even with Jirou. He was brought up spoiled and he'll remain spoiled after he takes over his family's company. He's used to getting what he wants.

"Around campus, Atobe is known as a playboy of both sexes. He'll date them for a few weeks, have his way with him, and then dump them. If you ask anyone, they'll be able to tell you how many people Atobe has dumped so far and who he's with now."

Shishido was sure Ootori knew how fast rumors could travel around the college campus, especially when it came to both romantic and sexual relationships. One day, Ootori told him that he heard so-and-so was starting to have difficulties in their relationship. The brunette hated how this system worked, especially since Ootori didn't liked being pitied or tantalized.

"Although, this might surprise you, but students will do anything to have at least a one-night stand with Atobe. I've seen past affairs he's had before. The girls will worship the floor he walks on and the guys will latch onto him like a child. He doesn't care who he dates as long as they keep worshipping him like a good dog. Once that's over, they just brush it off and move on. You might think that's impossible, but it happens."

"What about Jirou-san?" Ootori asked with more strength in his voice. "Was he with Atobe for only his body?"

"Jirou? Jirou is one of the few people that actually likes, no, loves Atobe for who he is. I don't know why, but he does. At first I thought he was like any of Atobe's other worshippers, hanging onto him all the time. Then two months past and they were still together. I thought that maybe Atobe would quit being a player and stick with one person. It never happened, because he started developing an infatuation for me."

"Then why when I saw them did his aura dwindle? Didn't you say that he doesn't care who he's dating as long as the person is worshipping him? That would mean he would keep his aura of arrogance up, but it's lowered when he was around Jirou. Doesn't that show he cares at least?"

Shishido wasn't so good with recognizing auras, but as he looked back at the sketch, he could see a tinge of softness in the normally hard, hazel eyes. If Atobe didn't like Jirou to the point of love, maybe he liked him as a friend.

"Crap! I forgot!" Shishido cried jumping off the bench.

"Forgot what, Shishido-san?"

"Your stuff is still back at the apartment!" Who knows what kind of information Atobe could use to his advantage if he found out more about the younger boy. "Choutarou, stay here. I'll get your bag."

With that, the brunette broke off into a run back to his apartment. Shishido sprinted all the way back to the complex and up the two flights of stairs. He only gave himself a few seconds to take a breath before pushing the door open.

He found his fears confirmed when he stepped into the living room. Atobe was searching through Ootori's bag taking out things and inspecting them one by one. The business major had pulled out several novels and books and was leafing through the sketchbook when Shishido walked in.

"Oi, Atobe, put the book down," ordered Shishido in a low voice before he could stop himself.

"Why, Ryou, back so soon?" Atobe asked dismissively not looking up from the sketchbook.

"Quit playing games, Atobe," Shishido said in a low, dangerous voice. "Give me Choutarou's things."

"And why should I do that?" was the reply he got. "The boy didn't have permission to come in here and it was his fault he left his things behind."

"I let him in, Atobe. Now give me his things."

"Not yet, Ryou. This is interesting."

Normally, Shishido had a large amount of patience when it came to Atobe, but when the arrogant student kept on staring at Ootori's sketches, his patience snapped. Before Atobe could react, Shishido grabbed Ootori's backpack and stuffed the books into it before zipping it up. Then he made a wild lunge for the sketchbook. Atobe jerked the book away causing Shishido to fall to the floor, but he got up in one fluid movement and tried grabbing the sketchbook again. The game of keep-away continued between the two until Shishido heard a loud smack.

Atobe dropped the sketchbook and Shishido quickly grabbed it before the other boy could lunge for it. He turned around to thank his rescuer and was surprised to see a short college student with curly head and a cute face that was scrounged up in anger. His hand was turning red from slapping Atobe across the face.

"Atobe, I hate you," he said to the stunt Atobe. "I hate you more than anyone else in the world."

This was Shishido's chance to escape.

-X-

When Shishido got back to the park, Ootori was gone. The brunette suddenly became worried that something might have happened to the younger boy when he was gone. Since his condition kept him from running, Ootori was easy prey for any kidnapper, murderer, or rapist that was roaming the area.

Shishido flipped open his cell phone and hit the appropriate speed dial number for Ootori's cell phone number. He got two rings on the other line before someone answered the phone, "Hello?"

"Choutarou, it's Shishido."

"Shishido-san!" the boy cried in surprise. "Anou… why are you calling for?"

"What do you think, Choutarou? I go back into the Lion's Den risking my life to get your stuff and then you take off without calling me! What's going on!"

There was a long pause on the phone. Ootori wasn't giving any answer as to his strange behavior or why he left without a word. All Shishido could hear was static breathing.

Then Ootori said in a shaky voice as if he was going to cry, "I'm sorry, Shishido-san." And with that, he hung up the phone.

**TBC…**

**How was it? Review kudasai!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7. Phew, I'm exhausted right now. I've been doing a load of chores and homework and now I've got to correct my English paper. Enjoy.**

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine**

**WARNING: AU, possible OOC, shounen-ai**

**PAIRING: Silver Pair**

**Chapter 7- Withdrawn**

"I'm sorry, Shishido-san," Ootori said shakily before he hung up the phone. He knew he was going to regret this later, but he was too depressed to even care.

While he was waiting for Shishido to get back with his things, he received a phone call from his mother. It was the worse news he received. The doctor had called earlier saying that his condition was taking a turn for the worse and at the rate his heart was going, he might not live past next month. Now, he couldn't even do jogging anymore. It was one more step towards death.

As he hung up, Ootori was starting to worry how Shishido would take the news. He always gave the older boy updates on how his condition is going, but this was the worst one. He was afraid as to how Shishido would react, especially since he was already under pressure from Atobe. Would he reject him? Would he break down? The predictions were countless and all of them were things that Ootori didn't want to see.

Ootori could only come to one solution and it was breaking his heart. _I'm sorry, Shishido-san. I can't see you anymore…_

All of a sudden, Ootori felt hot tears running down his cheeks. What? What was he crying for? He shouldn't be crying. Ootori was used to brushing off people when he thought they were getting too close. Why was he crying about this break-up? It didn't make sense.

_"Will you be friends with a guy who **wants** to suffer for you?" _

Then he realized why. He had become close to Shishido, closer than he had ever gone before in a long time. Shishido did more things for him than he could ever repay. He became Ootori's friend knowing that he was going to die. Ootori was scared about how Shishido would feel about this, how he would react, exactly as how he felt his junior high friends would react. The two of them had become so close that he was scared to end it like this.

What was scaring him the most was echoing in his head over and over again like a chant. _Have I begun to fear death?_

-X-

True to his solution, Ootori began to avoid Shishido. He avoided their normal meeting places and the cafeteria whenever possible. He ran away the minute he saw Shishido coming, and he hung up every call that he got from Shishido. Each time he ran away, his soul broke off a piece of itself. He wanted so badly to tell Shishido what was going on, but somehow, he couldn't bring himself to try. His habit of brushing off people was still there. It had already been a week.

The day after he got the call, Ootori found his belongings all in his backpack with the dorm advisor. Attached to it was a note from Shishido asking what was going on and why Ootori wasn't talking to him. He promptly crumpled up the note and threw it in the nearest trashcan. There was no way he was going to go back. Then how come he wanted to so badly?

"What's going on, Ootori?"

The silver-haired boy jumped in surprise when he heard Hiyoshi's voice. His roommate was standing behind him with a frown of concern on his sharp face. Ootori couldn't remember the last time he paid attention to his roommate. Was it a month?

"I'll ask it again, Ootori, what's going on?" the freshman asked.

"What's wrong?" asked Ootori lying through his teeth. "Nothing's wrong, Hiyoshi-san."

"You don't hang around in the dorms anymore, and all of a sudden, you do. That's a cause for concern. I don't know who you've been hanging around with, but you're obviously avoiding whoever it is and it's killing you."

The silver-haired boy fell silent as Hiyoshi stated plainly what has been on his mind for a week. It was no surprise that his roommate could figure it out so quickly. Hiyoshi had a keen mind that caught on quickly to small details, a talent that he picked up as a forensics major.

"I… I don't think I want to tell you, Hiyoshi-san," said Ootori as best as he could.

The other boy shrugged. "It's okay if you don't. Whatever the situation is now is none of my business. I'm just expressing my concern for your well-being."

Hiyoshi turned around and went to go to his room to study. Ootori watched him know that Hiyoshi would understand. Hiyoshi always understood him, even though people thought that he didn't. If he didn't major in forensics, he could have majored in psychology. He was good to talk to.

Ootori made up his mind. He couldn't keep this inside of him forever. "Hiyoshi-san!" he said stopping the other boy. "Could… Could I talk to you?"

"Sure."

The two of them sat down on the couch. It was probably the first time they ever actually talked to each other. Hiyoshi had his life and Ootori had his. They only tolerated each other's presence. Now, it seemed that maybe they could see eye-to-eye.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" Hiyoshi asked.

Ootori took a deep breath and began, "Well, you already know about my condition. After I found out that there was no hope left, I began to isolate myself from everyone. I kept thinking that if I remained close, I would only hurt others. I kept thinking that through high school and even now."

A small smile began to play on the silver-haired boy's lips. "Then I met Shishido-san by chance at a street tennis court. I was sketching his tennis when he saw me. He invited me to sit next to him for lunch and even after he found out about my condition, he still wanted to be my friend. I can understand why. His boyfriend is possessive over him."

Hiyoshi kept nodding without saying a word. "Sounds like you two are fine."

"Then," added Ootori and there was a tone of hurt in his voice, "Last week, I got a call from my doctor. The results he got from my x-rays were worse than they expected. My heart had taken a turn for the worse, and… I might not last past next month."

Hiyoshi put the facts together in his head like how he would put leftover evidence at a crime scene together. "So, you've been avoiding this Shishido-san, even though you don't want to, because you don't want to hurt him. Correct?" Ootori nodded. "I think that you're doing something stupid."

Ootori blinked. _What?_

"True, Shishido-san is going to be sad when you die, but he'll probably be devastated that you deserted him just when your condition gets worse. You should open up more and respect other people's feelings, Ootori. I don't know this Shishido-san too well, but if he chose to be your friend despite your condition, he clearly wants to be with you until the end. If you become friends with anyone and you run out when things get worse, you're not only making it hard on yourself, but on others. People will think you're fickle, that you use people. Is that what you want?"

Hiyoshi's blunt explanation seemed to clear Ootori's head. Ootori could envision how Shishido must be feeling now. For a long time, Atobe has been using Shishido to fulfill his sexual pleasure. Shishido never saw any purpose in life. Then Shishido gained a friend, him. Shishido was like Ootori. Both of them were lonely and were craving for a companion. They were connected.

"Hiyoshi-san, do you think Shishido-san will forgive me?" asked Ootori in a small voice.

The other shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not Shishido-san."

Ootori couldn't help but laugh. Despite his gruff exterior, Hiyoshi was a good person. "Thank you, Hiyoshi-san. You're nice to talk to."

The other boy only looked away blushing slightly. "Whatever."

-X-

_"Hiyoshi-san is right. I should go talk to Shishido-san first thing tomorrow,"_ thought Ootori, as he got ready for bed. He couldn't wait.

Deciding to sketch a picture before going to bed, Ootori pulled out his sketchbook and was surprised to see that it was already open to a page. There was a sketch and a small note scribbled in the bottom corner.

_Choutarou, this is for you. I hope you like it_.

Turning to the sketch, Ootori looked it over with concentrated eyes. It seemed to be a poor sketch of a person. The face proportions were off: the nose too big, the face too narrow, the eyes too narrow, and the lips too big. However, he could see some depth in the sketch. The person had light hair and sweet eyes that seemed to say, "Everything's all right." And around the neck was a silver cross.

_Is that… me?_

Without knowing why, Ootori burst out laughing. Shishido was the polar opposite of Ootori when it came to art. Seeing his feeble attempt at drawing Ootori somehow made the silver-haired boy laugh. The laughs quickly turned to tears. Even though the portrait was poorly done, it still came from Shishido's heart. Ootori had no right to be laughing. Now that he was thinking, Ootori could feel Shishido's emotion from the sketch.

Ootori made up his mind. He would go see Shishido-san now before the older boy tried something rash. He was out the door before Hiyoshi could stop him.

-X-

He didn't know how much of a strain running would put on his heart nor did he care. He only cared in finding Shishido and telling him everything. Ootori knew that he was the first person that cared for Shishido. He heard from the brunette that both of Shishido's parents didn't care about their son and left him to care for himself. Atobe never loved Shishido for his heart, only his body. Ootori was the only one.

_Oh no, not now!_ Ootori could feel the pain building in his chest. The doctor always told him to slow down once he felt the pain, but he didn't. He kept on running. Ootori wanted the pain to go away, but it got worse until he felt himself stumble. The last thing he consciously remembered was his body hitting the concrete and people panicking.

**TBC…**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for taking so long. I had midterms and a lot of you know how that can get. Anyway, enjoy.**

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine**

**WARNING: AU, possible OOC, shounen-ai**

**PAIRING: Silver Pair**

**Chapter 8- Truth**

Shishido didn't get it. Why wasn't Ootori talking to him? Every time the younger boy saw him, he'd walk away without looking back. It's already been a week since he called Ootori only to have the phone hung up with a shaky apology for something he didn't know. The brunette was already starting to give up, but he didn't want it to end.

When he was around Ootori, Shishido felt relaxed and free. He didn't know why, but he did. Oshitari said that maybe it was because Ootori was the first person that he could be open to. "You put on a mask, a different one for every person, but when you're with someone you like, you don't need to. You put on different masks because you're afraid of what people will think of you as yourself. When you're with someone you like, you're yourself and they don't care. As far as they know, your real face is the best of all the masks you ever wore," the tensai said. Back then, the brunette brushed off the statement as some other quote Oshitari picked up from one of his romance novels. Now, when his only friend wasn't talking to him, Shishido found that it started to make sense. Maybe Ootori was more to him than a friend.

Throughout the week, Shishido tried to talk to Ootori, but the silver-haired boy kept disappearing until he could no longer find him. Shishido was starting to believe that maybe Ootori was like Atobe: fickle, but he refused to think that way. The Ootori Choutarou he knew was a boy who was fiercely loyal to his friends. That was the belief he was going to hold on until he saw something fickle himself. There must be something behind Ootori's strange behavior.

_"I'll try calling again,"_ Shishido thought. _"If he won't give me some answers then maybe his roommate will."_

He dialed the number to Ootori's dorm and waited. After two rings, someone picked up the phone. "Hello?" It was an unfamiliar voice. It must have been his roommate.

"Is Ootori Choutarou there?" asked Shishido.

"No, he left a while ago. If you like, I can tell him that you called? What's your name?" the roommate asked.

"Shishido. Shishido Ryou."

There was silence. Shishido assumed that the other hung and was about to do so when he heard, "Wait a minute, did you say your name was Shishido?"

"Yeah. Why?"

There was a pause on the phone. Then the roommate said, "Do you know where Tokyo General Hospital is?"

"Yeah."

"Room 510. Ootori's there."

"Choutarou? Why?"

"I got a call from the receptionist there. Ootori was admitted to Tokyo General Hospital about an hour ago. He was running somewhere and then fainted from fatigue. I'm assuming you know about his condition, so I'll spare you the details."

"Thank you." Shishido hung up and sprinted out the door grabbing his jacket on the way.

-X-

Shishido didn't bother stopping at the reception. He knew some of the stupid hospital rules around here and Ootori was probably under the family-only policy. Instead, he went straight to the elevator and pressed the button for the fifth floor. Inside the elevator, he kept pacing impatiently until he heard the door open to the fifth floor. Stepping out, he carefully followed the signs and counted the number plates on the door until he found the right one.

His hand reached for the door, but then he pulled it back. Ootori's family might be in there and he didn't want to disturb them. Shishido decided on knocking. He rapped his knuckles on the door a few times and waited.

"Come in," said a weak, but familiar voice.

_Choutarou_. Shishido used all of his willpower to keep calm and slid the door open. What he saw made his heart break.

Ootori was in one of those horrid hospital gowns and lying in a white bed that covered most of his body. An IV was in his arm and his skin was pale. Shishido didn't know if the sight in front of him was heart breaking or beautiful. Ootori already had light skin to begin with, but now, he had lost all the color making him look like a frail child.

Brown eyes widened when he entered the hospital ward. "Shishido-san…" The brunette felt a tug on his heartstrings when he heard Ootori's voice. It was soft and raspy.

There was an awkward silence in the room. Shishido wanted to ask Ootori a million questions: Why did you hang up? Why have you been avoiding me? Did I do something wrong? What's going on? Somehow, the brunette couldn't bring himself to ask any of them. He decided to go slow.

"Hey Choutarou," he said trying to sound like his old self. "How are you feeling?"

"Aa, fine," replied the silver-haired youth. "How did you know I was here?"

"I tried to call you again and your roommate told me."

"Oh."

The questions were going to set him off soon, so Shishido cut to the chase. "Choutarou, what's going on?"

For the first time in a week, Ootori looked at him eye-to-eye. Chocolate brown eyes stared into sharp hazel eyes as Ootori began to speak slowly, "I… I guess I still haven't gotten over being fickle, Shishido-san. I've… I've been brushing off people for a long time now thinking stupidly that if I don't, they'll get hurt. That I'll get rejected if people knew about my condition. I realize now that my thinking is only hurting both sides. I'm sorry, Shishido-san."

Shishido nodded in agreement. That thinking was stupid. It gave people like Choutarou a false sense of doing something good for both sides. In the end, they close off themselves and live behind a mask of fantasies. The brunette saw it so many times. Some of those people he met had been doing that for years. He had tried to break that barrier, but he never could, until he met Choutarou.

Choutarou also had closed himself off in fantasies, but he was different. He couldn't hold that barrier for long. Once someone struck his raw nerve, the barrier broke immediately revealing whom the silver-haired boy truly was: someone who wanted companionship, but was convinced that he couldn't have it. Choutarou hadn't been practicing putting up a barrier for long, so he wasn't a lost cause. Shishido wanted to help him, but he felt a higher sense of pride when he saw that Choutarou had broken through it himself or with the help of his roommate.

"It's fine, Choutarou," was the only reply Shishido could give.

"Forgive me?" the silver-haired boy asked. "I can understand if you can't forgive someone as stupid as me."

"Of course."

"You want to know why I acted like that, right?" When Shishido nodded, he said, "The doctor said I might not last past next month."

"What? Why?" Shishido couldn't believe it. Choutarou was suppose to make it at least till next year!

"I… I don't know. The doctor said that my condition was getting worse. My heart murmurs are becoming more frequent. I pushed myself too hard and after I sprinted towards your apartment-"

"You did **what**!?" the brunette cried. "Choutarou! Don't risk your heart just to find me! You may die young, but you're not dying now! You hear me?"

After Shishido let out all of his anger, he mentally smacked himself. What was he getting all fired up at Choutarou when the younger boy needed him the most? "I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be sorry, Shishido-san. You should let out your anger when you can't contain it. If you let it sit, it'll continue growing until it explodes."

_Well said_.

"Anyway, where was I?"

"You said that your condition was getting worse."

"Oh yeah, after I tried to run to your apartment and passed out, I shortened my lifespan. I now only have until the middle of February to live, the doctor says."

_The middle of February? That's less than a month!_

"I… I thought a bunch of stupid stuff, the kind of stuff that I've been chanting in my head ever since junior high. I-I got scared and thought all kinds of stupid premonitions like you were going to leave me if you knew that I was going to die sooner. I-I'm sorry, Shishido-san, I don't know what came over me. I guess I'm still affected by what that doctor said-"

"What? What did a doctor say to you?"

Choutarou stopped as though he slipped a well-kept secret. It probably was. He then said slowly, "The first doctor I saw was the one that diagnosed my heart problem. He was one of my father's classmates, so my parents trusted him. I did too, until he told me something that scared me. He said that no one would like me now that I was going to die. That I shouldn't get too close to anyone. Then he… he pressed a scalpel to my throat and said that he'd kill me if I told anyone about this."

Shishido was shocked. This wasn't something that he didn't know about Choutarou. "Did… did that doctor ever get caught?" he asked.

"He was my father's classmate, so I didn't say anything in fear that no one would believe me. That doctor kept repeating the assaults with the same threats during my monthly check-ups. I thought for sure that he was going to add sexual abuse soon. I was saved, though, but a nurse who worked at the clinic. She apparently overhead one of his threats while doing her routines and reported it to the director. With some help, she got several of his threats tape-recorded and the doctor was fired."

"That's good," said Shishido. "I'd hate if someone like that got away with a crime like that."

Choutarou nodded. "However, over that period of time, I sort of established the thought that people really would not like me since I was going to die. That, I suppose, caused me to isolate myself. I know it sounds kind of childish, but that's the way I felt, Shishido-san."

Shishido nodded without saying a word. In a way, they were so similar. Choutarou tried to isolate himself out of fear that no one would want him around. Shishido closed himself off because his real self wouldn't please anyone. Both learned how to close off separately, yet they learned how to open up together.

"Don't worry, Choutarou," said the brunette. "You can open yourself up now, can you?"

For the first time in a long time, a smile graced the boy's face. "Of course." Shishido smiled.

_Yeah, maybe I can do something for myself… and for someone else, too._

**TBC…**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9. Enjoy.**

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine**

**WARNING: AU, possible OOC, shounen-ai**

**PAIRING: Silver Pair**

**Chapter 9- Silver Lining**

Ootori had to stay in the hospital, but Shishido made the atmosphere warmer. After classes, the brunette would drop by and tell him the latest things going on at school. Mukahi occasionally dropped by with Shishido and the three of them would talk.

The silver-haired was happy that Hiyoshi gave him an awakening. After he realized everything he had done was hurting others, he felt so stupid and horrible that he wanted to hit himself. Then he calmed down remembering that he was acting childish and he had to focus on breaking his habit instead of what he could have done.

When he woke up at the hospital, he didn't know where he was at first, until he noticed the IV in his arm. His parents and sister, who lived in Yokohama, were there. He was happy when none of them asked why he was running when he was instructed not to. Thankfully, the doctor wasn't there. The four of them talked for a while before his family left to catch the train home.

Shishido arrived only a half an hour after they left. Ootori was glad, but awkward at the same time. They hadn't spoken in a week and then suddenly they could. Shishido decided to take things slowly before he got to the point.

_"Choutarou, what's going on?"_

Growing up to be honest and open, Ootori told Shishido everything about his bad habit that he found hard to give up and how he was starting to fight back. Shishido seemed pleased about that. It made him feel good, too, especially when he mentioned about the doctor that scared him in junior high. It made him feel free.

_I guess, I can be a little selfish…_

-X-

Shishido marched out of the hospital and passed streetlights. He had made up his mind. Being with Choutarou gave him some freedom to think and he realized that being with Atobe was never going to make him happy. Come to think of it, he didn't know why he was with Atobe in the first place.

When Shishido first met Atobe in his first year in college, his first impression was that the business major had a gargantuan ego. Who he was dating at the time became the main gossip of the school. Shishido heard that he dated several girls within the first semester before he moved to guys. With guys, dating to Atobe was more like a one-night stand. It would start with a conversation, then dinner, then the bed, and then he left as if the night before never happened. Atobe went through numerous guys throughout Shishido's second semester and halfway through the first semester of his second year. That was when he met Jirou.

Shishido couldn't remember when Atobe lost interest in Jirou and became interested in him. It started with a talk, and then hanging out after classes, then having dinner, and then the bed. A new cycle began. Atobe still kept dating Jirou, but all of Atobe's attention was lavished on Shishido. Soon, Jirou began to notice the change in Atobe's interests and started having fights with the business major. In the end, the two of them broke up.

Upon arriving at the apartment, Shishido immediately unlocked the door and stormed inside. Atobe wasn't home yet, thank goodness. The brunette went straight to his bedroom and began packing whatever he could shove in a sports bag. When that was full, he used the spare pockets in his tennis bag. Soon, both bags were full of necessities. Whatever Shishido couldn't fit, he left behind, except for his guitar.

He didn't bother leaving a note. Atobe would understand his intentions perfectly. With one last glare at the apartment that he learned to hate, Shishido heaved his stuff out of the room and shut the door.

-X-

Ootori curiously flipped through the pages of a novel pausing to read the text typed across the pages. His sister bought him the book claiming that he might like it, and she was right. Although he never took an interest in romance novels before, this one fascinated him.

The novel, _Tsuki to Hoshi_, was a love story between two college students, Satomi and Ruiko. It told of how they first met in junior high, were separated, and then reunited in college. It was different from other romance novels that his sister read. It was sweet, but not sappy; and beautifully written, but not to the point where it became cheesy. In short, it was a well-balanced novel.

As Ootori turned the page, there was a loud knock. "Come in," said Ootori.

The door opened and Mukahi stuck his head in the doorway. "Hey, I came to see you."

"Oh, Mukahi-san."

The redhead took a seat near his bedside his eyes focused on the novel Ootori was reading. "Oh, you're reading that?"

"Eh? Oh, yeah. My sister left it for me. It's a beautiful story."

"Yeah, it is…"

Ootori flipped to the front cover to check the author's name. It was a relatively new name on the novel scene, but the silver-haired boy knew the name well. Oshitari Yuushi.

"Do you like Oshitari-san?" he asked with a smile.

"Yeah, very much. Why?"

"I can tell," said Ootori. "Your expression tells me."

"Oh…"

Mukahi climbed onto the bed and looked over Ootori's shoulder as he continued reading. The room became quiet as the two continued to read the novel. The only sounds made were the machines whirring and the outside ruckus of an emergency in another ward. Someone needed a donor quickly.

"Hey, Ootori," Mukahi said suddenly shifting off the bed.

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell me more about your condition?"

-X-

Shishido wasn't surprised when Atobe approached him during lunch. When the business major returned home, he must have been shocked and furious that he left without a warning. Shishido pretended that he didn't see the glaring Atobe in front of him and pretended to concentrate on the textbook open in front of him.

"We need to talk," said Atobe in a cold voice.

"Can this wait?" asked Shishido indicating his textbook. "I'm busy."

"No!" Atobe ordered.

Shishido sighed, but got up and followed the business major out of the cafeteria ignoring the stares that were burning holes in his back. The two walked down the hall and into an empty classroom, which Atobe locked to keep anyone out. Shishido felt no fear as Atobe turned around to face him. He was ready for anything that was thrown at him.

"Will you explain why you packed up and left while I was at a seminar?" demanded Atobe.

"Simple. I couldn't stand you anymore," Shishido replied coldly leaning on a desk.

"That doesn't explain why you left without a note."

"It explains perfectly why I left without a note. You have an insight, Atobe. I know you got the message. You just want me to grovel at your feet for forgiveness or make up some crappy excuse for you to manipulate."

"Ryou…"

"It's obvious that you don't get what I'm trying to tell you, so I'll say it. I'm through with you. Go find some other toy."

Shishido headed for the door, but Atobe grabbed his arm before he could get away. "Let go," he growled tugging at the firm hand on his arm.

"Ryou, you're not a toy. I really do love you."

"Yeah, for a few weeks. After that, you'll move on to fresh meat, right? The people you slept with before may not have cared about you not being committed to them, but I do. And you're too fickle to commit to me. You want passion, but I want more than that, Atobe. I want someone who will commit themselves to me for the rest of our lives."

"Committed?" repeated Atobe in an icy voice. "There's no such thing as commitment in love. There are only the attackers and the submissive. In love, people follow their feelings and go for someone they find that they love. There are no arguments, no disagreements, and no outside forces acting against love. Those who attack protect their love with all their might. Those who submit should enjoy their love and treasure it while it lasts."

"You're talking as though your love is a toy," Shishido said. "From what I've learned, love doesn't work that way. There are arguments and disagreements, but ones that can be resolved; there are outside forces, but someone faithful will always win. There's no person that "attacks" or "submits" except in sex. Yes, people follow their feelings, but their one and only is based on what they **choose**. And I choose not to be with you."

Shishido yanked his arm free of Atobe's grip and strode to the door. He gave once last glance and said, "You know, if you had chosen to love Jirou, you wouldn't have to face rejection. Then again, if you did, you'd never learn how it feels to not get what you want."

With that, he closed the door. As he left to go back to the cafeteria, he could hear the faint sound of crying, but he passed it off as a girl who got rejected by her crush.

-X-

When Shishido arrived at the hospital, Ootori was asleep. Mukahi had left a long time ago leaving _Tsuki to Hoshi_ on the chair. The room was quiet except for the sounds of the heart monitors and Choutarou's soft breathing. Shishido found the environment peaceful even though it was a hospital ward.

Choutarou stirred softly in his bed. "Shishido-san," he said softly.

"Hey Choutarou."

"You're early."

"I know. Hey Choutarou, listen, I left Atobe," Shishido said with a smile.

Brown eyes widened. "Really? I thought you said that it was impossible. That he was so possessive, he wouldn't let anyone go."

"Well, I did. I've actually wanted to do that for a long time. As I said before, I never actually liked Atobe. It's just that he had this… manipulative personality that drew me in, I guess. I thought there was no way out. I have tried to leave before, but I found out that if I did leave and went to live in the dorms, I would be rooming with that psycho Kurotori."

"Kurotori?" asked Choutarou.

"He's a biology major and an alcoholic. Mukahi used to room with him. He told me all about him. When Kurotori gets drunk, he wants sex, and he will rape anyone near him. He will say that he loves the person more than anyone else and will even cry. I didn't want to take my chances on another possessive pervert. I asked for a single, but all of those were taken. I had no other choice but to live with Atobe."

"So now that you're on your own, where are you going to live? You said so yourself that Kurotori's dorm is the only dorm available."

"I've got that all worked out," the brunette assured the silver-haired boy. "I'm going to go look for an apartment. Mukahi told me that the apartment building he lives in with Oshitari is pretty inexpensive. I've already got a part-time job, so I'm all set."

"That's good. I'm glad you're prepared, Shishido-san."

Shishido could feel himself smile. He was so glad that it was all over. He never felt so free before in his life. Choutarou sure had a peculiar influence over him. So much had happened over the past few months. If there was a silver lining for Shishido, it would be that day when he saw the younger boy sketching his tennis form.

_Even though he is dying, Choutarou has made a wonderful influence on who I am; and I think I've done the same for him. With him, I can choose._

**TBC…**


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Gin no Shunkan

Author: samuraijun

Fandom: Prince of Tennis

Pairing: Shishido/Ootori

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: AU, possible OOC, shounen-ai

Disclaimer: Not mine

**Chapter 10- Love Letter**

"Oi Mukahi! Hurry up with the inventory!" called Shishido in the back room. "I want to get out of here soon!"

"Why don't you come over and help if you want this done!" Mukahi retorted back as he scribbled on a clipboard.

"I'm busy!"

"No you're not! You're reading again!"

Shishido couldn't come up with a retort, so he sighed and left the room. Both him and Mukahi worked in a bookstore near their college. They worked four hours a day shelving books and doing inventory on more shipping. The brunette already had the job ever since his freshman year, but Mukahi started only six months ago when Oshitari left to go to his rehab. Their quarrels were over trivial manners, but nothing serious.

After looking at countless apartments in the area and comparing the costs to his crummy income, Shishido finally found an apartment that he could afford in the same apartment building that Oshitari and Mukahi lived in. The apartment was small, had basic necessities, and was cozy. It was still lacking in furniture, decorations, and even a kitchen table, but Shishido managed eating on the floor.

Shishido checked the clock. "Another hour…" he growled. The brunette was eager to go see Choutarou, but time was thinking otherwise. The sound of the clock ticking away the seconds slowly was tantalizing Shishido as he found nothing to do. The store was empty, and Mukahi was done with doing the inventory, so that left him with nothing. Bored, the brunette pulled out his CD player from his bag and hit the 'Play' button.

_Smiling at me with your gentle face_

_Never changing... you are here right next to me_

_Close your eyes, and can you feel it?_

_The precious days and memories we shared wrap us around... filling us with gentleness_

_What waits at the end of this longest journey we are about to walk, who knows?_

_But I will ensure you one thing for sure; you are safe with me_

_I can walk all the way, _

_Because we are together... now and forever_

_In my heart, there exists never-changing affection for you_

_It's all yours. The one-and-only_

_I love you_

_You were just like a tiny flower swaying in the breeze_

_It was so long ago when we first met, and you were a radiant young girl_

_We were both still immature and there were days of quarrels and tears_

_But now, we can laugh at it_

_Don't forget the marital vows of ours_

_You are the most precious person in the world_

_And now, let's work together to grant our wishes, one by one_

_I can walk all the way, _

_Because we are together... now and forever_

_In my heart, there exists never-changing affection for you_

_It's all yours. The one-and-only_

_I love you_

_I can walk all the way, _

_Because we are together... now and forever_

_In my heart, there exists never-changing affection for you_

_It's all yours. The one-and-only_

_I love you_

_I love you_

-X-

"Shishido! Shishido! Oi, Shishido get up!"

The brunette felt himself being shaken by an insistent hand. He didn't know why he felt so uncomfortable. His bed felt hard. Then he noticed that what he was sleeping on wasn't his bed, but a chair. He must have dozed off because the book he was reading was laid forgotten in his lap and his CD player was replaying the third track. Shishido checked the clock. His shift was over.

"I'm out of here!" declared Shishido stuffing his CD player into his bag.

"Are you going to visit Choutarou again?" Mukahi asked.

"Yeah," Shishido replied shortly making his way to the door.

"You seem to enjoy going to see Choutarou. Before you only wanted to leave early because you were bored. Now, you want to leave early because Choutarou is in the hospital and has no one to talk to."

"Well, he's lonely. His roommate drops by sometimes and his parents come occasionally, but I'm the only one that visits him every day. Besides, he needs someone to be with him."

"Sounds like you love him, Shishido," the redhead remarked. "I wouldn't be surprised if that were true."

Shishido stopped. "What?"

"Well, you do. I mean Ootori's done so much for you. Yuushi noticed, too. Before, you were wallowing in self-pity because you thought there was no way you could leave Atobe as others have said. But then, Ootori stood up for you when others were telling you, "Get out of this yourself". I think that counts for something."

"Friends always stick up for each other-"

"And Ootori, Yuushi tells me, used to be like you too: not having an anchor for his life. The only thing he cared for is art because he thought that if he got too close, he would hurt others when he died. But thanks to you, he learned to open up again. He learned that he would truly die if the only memories he left behind would be those of how he was in junior high when he was carefree and energetic."

"Mukahi, I don't see where you're getting-"

"I don't know if my theory is right, but you two seem close, really close. If you do like Ootori, you should tell him. It'll make both of you happy. If you don't, well, at least he'll still have you as a friend."

Shishido quirked an eyebrow. "You sound a lot like Oshitari," he said.

Mukahi shrugged the corners of his mouth turning. "That's what you get for living with someone who can "see the heart" as he says," he said flatly.

-X-

Ootori was halfway through _Tsuki to Hoshi_ when there was a knock on the door. "Come in!" he said. The door slid open and Hiyoshi peeked in. "Ah, Hiyoshi-san."

"Nice to see you, Ootori," said Hiyoshi pulling a chair close to the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Better, but I'm not going to be discharged for a while," replied the silver-haired youth. "I think the doctors want to keep me here so they can check on my heart regularly. I've been given tests more frequently now."

"Oh."

Both of them didn't like touching on the subject. It was too painful to know that Ootori would die so soon. Murderers, rapists, and liars deserved to die. Adults who didn't give a damn about others deserved to die. Drunks who liked to drive under influence deserved to die. But not Ootori Choutarou, he was too sweet to die. Why did it have to be him? Ootori was too sweet and kind to die so young.

If this is the package you carry around with you all your life, it's bound to shape your personality.

Hiyoshi could only imagine what kind of emotional drama Ootori had to endure all these years. Adults began to pity him for having such a delicate heart. "Hey it's that boy. I heard from the neighbors that he was diagnosed with an incurable heart condition," they would whisper. "Really? He's so young. What a pity for him to have to die so soon." Some of his classmates began to bully him. "Come on, weakling! Get up and fight like a man!" they would taunt as they kicked him to the ground. "Oh wait! You can't! Your too weak!" He even had to give up tennis, his favorite sport.

"_I'm sorry, coach," Ootori said as he shakily placed an envelope on the coach's desk. It was a letter of resignation._

_The coach took out the short letter and read it over carefully. "What's the meaning of this, Ootori? We're so close to the nationals and you're quitting now? What's wrong with you!" the coach yelled banging his fists on the desk._

_Ootori gripped onto his bag tightly. He had to keep himself from crying. The coach did not tolerate crying no matter what. "I'm sorry coach. It's not like I want to quit. I _have _to quit. I've been diagnosed with a heart problem."_

_The coach stopped. "What?"_

_The silver-haired boy took a deep breath. "Last week when I collapsed, the doctors discovered that I had a heart problem." _

Even so, there was something different. Hiyoshi could sense a change in Ootori. Before, the silver-haired boy acted like he had no more attachments in this world except for his art, but now… now he was finding it hard to let go of his life. Ootori now wants to hang onto what few precious things he has in his life for as long as he can. Whether this change was for the better, Hiyoshi couldn't tell, but Ootori has changed.

"Anyway, Ootori, I actually came here to say good-bye," said Hiyoshi.

"Eh? What do you mean?" asked Ootori quirking an eyebrow.

"I got an offer to study overseas. I'm leaving first thing tomorrow morning."

Ootori was surprised, but not shocked. Hiyoshi was a hard-working student with a good future ahead as a forensics major. The first year had talked to Ootori many times about how he wanted to study forensics overseas. "I've never left Japan before and it would be a nice adventure," he often said. He had to be happy for him.

"Congratulations, Hiyoshi-san. I'm going to miss you," said Ootori with the best smile he could muster.

"Thank you, Ootori. You… you don't seem shocked like my parents," Hiyoshi remarked with a slight blush on his face.

"Why should I? You're hard working, and you have a keen eye. You deserve to go study overseas," Ootori stated simply.

"I see. Well, bye."

Hiyoshi was about to leave when Ootori said, "Hiyoshi-san!" The other first year turned around. Ootori tore a page out of his sketchbook and held it out. "I want you to have this. It's not much, but it's something for you to remember me by when… when I'm gone."

Hiyoshi took the sketch and examined it. It was a sketch of him in a police officer uniform and cocking a gun. The angles were sharp to make the portrait gritty, but the smooth lines gave a balance of a calm aura. The uniform was shaded in black and an assortment of grey like in a manga.

It was strange, but Hiyoshi felt touched by Ootori's simple sketch of himself. "Thank…thank you, Ootori," he said with his blush turning darker. "Ja." With that, Hiyoshi closed the door.

Outside, Hiyoshi allowed a smile to grace his sharp face as he looked at the sketch again.

_I guess… I did make a friend…_

-X-

Shishido shivered as he walked to the hospital. The day was breezy and his jacket wasn't doing anything to protect him from the draft. The sky was gray from the clouds and the pollution. It seemed like a day when a bad omen was showing. Around, life continued to go on. Students went to nearby fast food restaurants to buy lunch, employees hustled to the train station, children played in the nearby play areas, and the elderly hobbled across the streets. That's how city life was.

The brunette finally made it to the hospital and breathed a sigh of relief when he felt the hospital heater. The nurse nodded as he walked by the front desk. Shishido had become a frequent visitor at the hospital and the staff was starting to get to know him. He took the elevator and then continued walking down the hall until he stopped at the appropriate door. As always, he knocked first.

"Come in," said Choutarou from the other side. Shishido slid the door open and peeked in. "Ah, Shishido-san."

"Hey, Choutarou," Shishido greeted taking a seat. "Anyone else drop by?"

"Just Hiyoshi-san."

"Hiyoshi-san?"

"My roommate. He came to say good-bye. He's going to study in America."

"Wow, America…" Shishido said in awe. His mother would risk a limb for him to go to America to study.

"I'm going to miss Hiyoshi-san," Ootori said. "Despite his gruff exterior, he's really a nice guy and a hard worker. He's the one who got me back on my feet when I felt like giving up. Now that I think about it, you two are alike in a way."

"How so?"

"Well, both you and Hiyoshi-san are strong, determined, and sometimes a little hardheaded. Like Hiyoshi-san, when you want something, you go for it, but you know your limits, so you know when to toe the line. You don't care what others say about you. I guess I envy both of you. It's a trait I've always wanted."

Shishido thought that over. _Choutarou would be more strong-minded if he had that trait, but then…_ "If you became like me, you wouldn't be the nice, but firm Choutarou that I like. The boy that likes to draw-"

Ootori's eyes perked as if he suddenly remembered something. "Oh yeah, someone else came by," he said.

Shishido's eyes narrowed. "Who was it?"

The silver-haired boy shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. He looked like a college student. He dropped by saying that he had bought my painting at the exhibition and he was here to deliver the money in person. I told him that it wasn't necessary, but he insisted on paying me in person. And he gave me a lot of money." Ootori dug into his bag and pulled out a wad of bills. "One million yen in cash."

Shishido had a hunch who the mysterious visitor, but he had his doubts. There was no way it could have been him. "What happened after that?"

"He said, 'I love your painting. It expresses deep emotions that many people don't know about, and I felt that you know them, too.' And then he left."

The brunette knew that there was no way Atobe would say something like that, so that left him clueless. "What did he look like?" he asked.

"Anou… short, skinny, auburn hair, and had a look in his eyes that suggested he went through a lot in life. He looked familiar, but I couldn't remember who he was." Ootori cocked his head like a puppy. "Why? Is he someone you know?"

"Well, actually," said Shishido, "I think the person who dropped by was Akutagawa Jirou."

"Akutagawa Jirou? You mean Atobe's previous lover?" Ootori asked his brown eyes widening.

"Yeah. He looked exactly as how you described him. He had auburn hair that use to curl and a skinny build. He must have gone through a lot, especially after Atobe left him. I wonder why he was back in Japan, though. He left for America on a scholarship last semester."

"America…" _Just like Hiyoshi-san._

"Yeah, to get away from Atobe, I guess. Japan must have left too many painful memories for him."

"Of course."

_Of course…_

**TBC…**

**I'm so sorry for the long hiatus. I had the worst writer's block ever. Anyway, review kudasai!**


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